Are you good at math?

Absolutely.
Probably.
No way.
Math??.. I was told that... If I...
No, because I always mess up some mundane detail or leave out something small.

You live:

In an apartment with lots of computers.
In a dank shack, all alone.
In a nice place with Ikea furniture.
In a house.
With my boyfriend/girlfriend.

What would you do if you had a million dollars?

Buy things and light them on fire.
Please, that question is bullshit.
Invest half of it in low risk mutual funds, and give the other half to my friend asadulah who works in securities.
I would do...nothing.
Flip off my boss and go get a job at Flinger's.

Do you like your job?

Nah, but it pays the bills.
Not only do I not like it, I loathe it.
The job's okay, but if I don't get more respect, my company's got hell to pay.
I love my job, it's why I came to America.
No... but I was late today... and Bill said... If...

What kind of clothes do you wear?

Comfortable things e.g. flip flops and cut offs.
Boat shoes and business attire without the jacket.
Worn out business clothes and big thick glasses.
Sundresses and sandals.
Business clothes with a touch of class like silk ties and colored shirts.

What do you do while commuting to work?

Listen to adult contemporary on the radio.
Curse incessantly at the people in front of you in the traffic jam.
Constantly change lanes while you bitterly reflect on the meaning of life.
Listen to rap music really loud and yell along with all of the songs.
Mumble to myself about being late and getting fired while waiting for the bus at the bus stop.

You dream of...

Overthroiwng the government and fucking shit up by freeing all of the corporate drones.
Getting a job that doesn't involve serving food or wearing pieces of flair.
Creating a computer virus that will cost your company millions.
Getting revenge on everyone who ever mistreated you.
Working hard all your life to retire comfortably in old age.

OH NO! YOU JUST GOT ARRESTED AND ARE GOING TO JAIL...

And in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?
I hope I'm going to a white collar resort prison like I promised my buddies when I got them into this whole mess.
Dammit, I just know I'm going to have to go to a Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass prison.
Yeah right, I had nothing to do with any of this.
I won't, no one will ever catch me.

I got my pistol point cocked.

Ready to lay shots.
Non-stop.
Until I see your monkey ass drop.
And let your homies know who done it.
Cause when it comes to this gangsta shit, you muthafuckahs know who run it.

Why should I hire you?

I've got good networking skills.
I can do code in my sleep, and if you don't hire me you will soon see the disadvantages of this.
You shouldn't, I'm really lazy and I probably already hate you.
I'll burn the place down if you don't.
Why not? I've done other jobs like this and every restaurant needs waitresses.

You've been fired, now what?

Sweet revenge, that's what.
Prepare my resume so I can get another job that is very similar.
Drink myself into a hole for a few days and then come up with a cunning plan to get back at those fudge packers.
Get a job at a better restaurant, I deserve it.
Burn the place down, and then take a nice, long vacation...

(code stolen from the new year's resolution test, stolen from someone else, probably stolen from someother person.)